Happy Birthday and A Tale of Woe...
Yes, I'm growing old disgracefully...46. Everyone who's seen me thinks I'm about 32, so that's awesome! That apple profile photo, I'm about 42 on there.
I got brilliant gifts too, chocolates, flowers, 3 box-sets, a dvd/blu-ray player, a dvd film, and money! I did good. : )
I also won a competition recently...on Twitter, haha.
The deal was...
'Tell us about your Worst Date experience'. Nothing to do with being a provider...
Other people won too, but mine was certainly a contender...
When I was new to London, I thought it would be a good idea to meet new people by joining a dating site?
Oh. No. It. Was. Not.
He was really cute, sort of rockabilly styled...yeah good. I thought...
We went into the bar, and he'd obviously been there before...he just monopolised the karaoke mike, no one else could get the mike away from his greedy clutches.
He was rolling about the floor, grabbing my legs wailing 'Baby pleeease doncha break mah heart...' etc, I was mortified.
Everyone was laughing, and not WITH him...
I thought, 'How can I escape without him seeing me?'
Then I found the way, the back exit by the restrooms...fabulous! Freedom was but one minute away!
I pretended to go to the restroom, but sneaked away and opened the exit bars on the door.
I found myself in a 'beer garden' (do you have those in USA?) an outside section of the bar?
Success, I thought...until I saw that there was no other exit to the street, and a 20ft wall stopping my escape!
So, whilst wearing high heels and a tight dress, I scaled a 20ft wall, after piling up plastic garden furniture on top of tables! Yes, crazy...but I was desperate!
I threw my bag over first (minus money, keys and phone, tucked them into my underwear), hoping no one would steal away with it! No one did though. I cut my knees, tore my dress, took the skin off my nose climbing over, and it was a bit of a drop too. But I made it...I did sprain my ankle.
Now then...search for the train station! I'd gone out the back way, didn't know where I was now?
Bleeding and limping, covered in mud too, I started down a dark road...a car stopped...
I thought, oh Jesus Christ, I can't run away!
It was a woman! She had a small child in her car, so..I felt safe enough.
She said, 'Oh my God, are you ok, what happened!?'
I said, 'Oh I'm ok! I know it looks bad...I'm actually escaping from a blind date, I climbed over a wall, and fell, that's why I'm covered in mud and blood..honest!'
And so, I got in her car. She said that the road was the start of the highway, and I was walking away from the station. Really kind of her to take me to the train station ahhh...
He must still wonder to this day, how I managed to escape. The bartenders will know...!