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Yearnings and Control
I LIKE TO CONTROL PEOPLE.NOT IN THE SENSE OF BLACK BOOTS AND WHIPS..IM NO DOMINATRIX THOUGH OCCASIONALLY FANTASY ACTING LIE ONE MIGHT BE FUN. BUT I MEAN IN IN THE SENSE OF ENTRANCING THEM, DRIVING THEM CRAZY WITH PLEASURE,OR CONTROLLING THE AMOUNT OF PLEASURE THEY RECEIVE ,THE INTENSITY OF IT AND THE ULTIMATE CLIMAX OF IT.IT’S INCREDIBLY EROTIC,A HUGE TURN ON.
I HAVE THE ABILITY TO CAUSE EVEN THE MOST QUIET AND DEMURE OF PERSONS TO SHOUT OUT IN ECSTASY,EXCLAIMING INTENSE PLEASURE.I LOVE HAVING THIS POWER,THIS CONTROL OVER PEOPLE AND I ENJOY YIELDING IT OVER ONE AGAIN AND AGAIN. THEY DO AS WELL, THIS IS WHY I HAVE SO MANY LONG TERM FRIENDS.
IM NOT SURE WHY I’M USING ALL CAPS TODAY,MAYBE I WANT MY MESSAGE TO BE REALLY CLEAR,HAHA. IM DRINKING CHILLED PASSION TEA AND ITS DELICIOUS YET I’M STUPIDLY CRAVING HALF OF A CAN OF COKE THAT WAS ACCIDENTALLY THROWN OUT THIS MORNING. I THINK, MAN THAT HAD THREE MORE COLD CARBONATED DRINKS IN IT. I DIDN’T WANT IT AT THE TIME, UNTIL SOMEONE THREW IT OUT AND NOW I AM MOURNING IT. i WANT IT BADLY, EVEN KNOWING IT IS NOT AS GOOD AS WHAT I HAVE NOW. THE OLD ADDAGE IS TRUE I GUESS. WE ALL WANT WHAT WE CAN’T HAVE.
ill put part three and the end of my horrible ordeal story up soon.. today i am in no mood to take the trip to that horrible memory..hahhahahaa
here is some more of my "art" I have so many pieces by now, I need to put them all of my page.I hope I am developing some skills with all of the emotion i have within me, and all of the practise i've been getting.I wish I had a teacher.
Website: http://www.generosa-goodhand.com
 
Part Two
There is a quote by Goethe that I have always identified with , " From the heights of ecstasy to the depths of despair." this exactly sums up my last few months in California. An ex's deviant cousin traveled to Ca and needed a place to stay, with me unfortunately. This is where the sky turned grey. This is where things spiraled downhill.The first of many unfortunate events. The beginning of the end. This is when the SHIT hit the FAN.
His name was Frank. I now think of him as Skank in my mind; whenever horrific thoughts strike me unaware out of nowhere like a sharp and stinging slap. Tall and muscular with a stature much resembling a greek god,Frank seemed to be a nice man ,albeit covered in tattoos. I later found out most of them were received serving prison sentences which when added equaled 12 years.Frank drank alot and popped any sort of pill he could find. But he was quiet and cleaned alot around the house. Having a huge house and yard all to myself, it was nice having a man to take care of all the things men usually do.He quickly became like a brother to me and brought his young girlfriend out from Il , and they shared the room down the hall. All of this part was good, the only failing being I was starting to guzzle alcohol right along with Frank.
One day I decided to teach Franks 18 year old girlfriend Meisha (he was mid 30's) to drive. I'd been taking care of her for awhile now and waiting on her hand and foot,financially supporting her.I didn't like her much, but she's someone's misguided daughter. Teaching her to drive would free up alot of time for me.We drove down Marguerite and some saferside streets and stopped at the Shell for Pepsis and Payday candy bars.
We were driving home and I was nervously buckled in the passenger seat. I swear I had my foot pressed down hard on an invisible brake.Meisha was driving ok though,and my opinion of her was softened by her childlike excitement and sheer jubilation at driving in California. This was big to her.A cute girl,she was smiling ear to ear and telling me of her plans to become a famous actor in LA.I smiled and cut her off, reminding her we were almost home and she must reach up onthe visor and open the garage door. I was nervous about her pulling in, but it was a two car garage and she did marvelously. I will never forget her face as the garage door opend slowly. It was evening out and the sun was sinkingmthat glorious SoCal twilight. The overhead garage light came on and cast a yellow shadown across her face,lighting up her pretty blue eyes. She was smiling wildly at me and said " Did I do good?" through her bubble gum pink glitter lip gloss. Her long honey colored hair was blown about in an attractive way and her excitement was endearing. As soon as the car was in park and the garage door began to fall the door to the house opened and Frank appeared shirtless and wild eyed. His chest was heaving and I could tell one look from his eyes that this was not Frank,not himself, a demon. His long muscular arms weretensed and all of his muscles were bulging. He strode quickly to the driver side of the car and reached through the window and punched the girl in the facce as if she were a full grown man, wordless. She began screaming,"what did I do ". I got out of the car and screamed, get in the passenger seat and lock it. Thankfully I am good in emergencies and unfortunately I have had prior experience with things of this nature,witnessing domestic violence as a young child. But this wouldntdo for as she slid into the passenger seat he grabbed her hair and pulled her back and out through the window.
He was shaking Meisha like a rag doll and hitting her over and over as I stood there ,shocked. This was maybe 4 seconds. I grabbed his pants loop and pulled him off and she ran and crouched against the garage wall,bleeding. He turnedand looked at me, put his face to mine. His eyed were wild, evil. In a voice I did not recognise he said " IM YOUR WORST FUCKING NIGHTMARE.IM KILLING THIS WHORE AND IF YOU DONT WATCH OUT ILL KILL YOU TOO ." With this he struck me across the arm and shoved me to the floor. Distraction gone, he walked over to Meisha and with booted feetbegan to kick her. She curled in a ball on the concrete floor, trying to protect her head and stomach. These are the only parts he was going for. I seen a knife hanging out of his back pocket. no one could hear us, except maybe coyotes. Meishas screams permeated my brain. If he continued punching and kicking her in the face and chest she would die. I had to do something and quick.
More tomorrow
I am going to start posting pictures of my art below, it is broadly ranging. I am amateur still and teaching myself, so do not judge me too harshly.
This set below is very beautiful and I cannot capture it in film. Its abstract and each time I look at it, it becomes something else. I see so many different things in onepicture. I think this is the definition of art. This particular set of canvas, I made not with paint brushes, but with painted boobs. mine of course.
Website: www.generosa-goodhand.com
A story part one
I have been gone for so long and so many things have occured in the interim; phenomenal things,disastrous things, weird things. I have decided I am now in a mood to write about them and share it with you.
My first year in California was euphoric. The views and beautiful weather kept me in high spirits and almost daily I would rollerblade to the tidal pools and stick myfist into sea anenomes blooming trap, just to feel it close around my hand. I would watch little crabs in conical shaped shells running around, hoping to find food.I would pop the gas bubbles in seaweed, relishing the sound it made. I would bicycle, skate, surf.I had great friends and I discovered alot about myself.I guess all of these things combined inspired art in me, and I began a whirlwind of artistic projects.
First came petroglyphs.I would paint flat river stones in ancient alphabets I decoded, Neo-Etruscan,Hieroglyphics, Incan,Mayan,Maori,native americans and Reiki,African Masks.Innuit,taino.anything to do with ancient culture. Many weekends I would walkthrough the fascinating high end art galleries that line Pacific Coast Highway. I would wander in and out of each one, taking notations,absorbing everything. I realised alot of the art was very doable..and some of mine were alot better that some of the abstract canvases going for a grand. I am still oil painting, making glass and stone jewelry ,air brushing,doing charcoals and oils.
I had the extreme good luck of meeting a pair of gorgeous 18 year old Polish twins who lived next door.They adopted me, both fascinated by me and I carried on a racous relationship with both of them that I can never forget in two lifetimes. Perhaps I will tell that next.
The last 6 months I was in California things seemed to spiral down down down into a toilet for me. Horrible disasters and accidents befell me, along with some very scary incidents. This is too much now, I will tell you tomorrow. This is a long story, but a good story.
Website: http://www.generosa-goodhand.com
Finding Bigfoot
I am me again.a new moon looms on the horizon. STAY TUNED!
Life is improving for me.An old dingy blanket..all grey and wet has been lifted from my shoulders.I've got that special spark back..A new moon looms on the horizon.
One weird situation or stagnant person can really negatively effect all areas of your life, a wrench thrown into an otherwise well oiled machine. I picked that wrench up and threw it away forever.It can sink into the abyss.Settle into the Sea of Forgot in my mind.How I despise the wrench.
I'm aching to get outside; explore new things and people...breathe in the warm night air again.Search for Bigfoot and myself.
I'M painting a huge mural.I'm covered in paint and eating oatmeal, writing you.
Website: http://www.clips4sale.com/31122
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