Flaming a Stupid Magazine Article
While I was out doing some shopping the other day, I picked up the July edition of Allure magazine. After I got home I sat down with the magazine and was quickly reminded why I stopped wasting my money on beauty and fashion magazines several years ago. Ridiculously overpriced clothes that I wouldn’t be caught dead in at a fraction of the price, modeled by anorexic girls who are often downright scary looking. There’s usually always a gushing interview with the celebrity du jour where she talks about what a normal, down-to-earth gal she really is (HA!). Finally, there are always a few articles scattered through these magazines which usually include a subject I assume the editors believe has a certain shock value.
There was one in this edition of Allure that had me alternating between laughing my ass off and feeling steam coming out my ears. It was called “Pretty, Dirty Things” subtitled “How sex toys and bondage play went from seedy to seriously stylish.” In this article the author has interviewed several different very wealthy and very high-profile women (whose names were changed to protect their anonymity).
Gasp! The wives of politicians, a “high-profile publicist”, and an assortment of socialites have discovered sex toys and bondage gear! Wowza, is that newsworthy or what???
Ahh, but not just any old sex toys and these ladies do not buy their goodies in “seedy head shops that sell bongs next to dildos.” They shop in upscale, expensive boutiques (e.g. Agent Provocateur, Kiki de Montparnasse, Coco de Mer, etc). We’re talkin’ big bucks here folks! Bondage rope for $250, a $13,500 24-karat-gold-plated vibrator, a leather corset bodysuit for $2,990 because what self-respecting lady would wear some cheap, tacky faux leather outfit that did not fit right?
These ladies have also recently discovered the bald pussy and are paying upwards of $175 per session to have their cooters cleaned up. Gee, I don’t know – I find an inexpensive ladies’ razor works just fine for me.
Here though is the paragraph that I found really stupid: “For all the titillation of these products, the women who are buying them are hardly the kind of women who wear Lucite heels and go on dates by the hour.” WTF???
What an effing piece of s**t this article is! Now I don’t know about you but I don’t buy my toys and gear in “seedy head shops that sell bongs next to dildos.” The idiot who wrote this tripe needs to get into the 21st century. There are many very nice adult shops in most cities, not to mention online toy stores, nowadays. As far as I’m concerned, anyone, no matter how much dough she has, who blows $250 on bondage rope or feels that she’s going to get off better with a 23-karat-gold-plated dildo or that her coochie is going to be sexier with a $175.00 wax job, is a flaming moron.
The reason given by these twits for their new obsession with sex toys, bondage gear and bald kitties, according to what they relayed to the author of this fatuous article, is to keep their marriages alive.
What I surmise from this is that these pathetic women feel Hubby may be getting ready to stray or he already has soooo, if they can’t beat the competition, they’re going to join it. Not just join it, oh no, they’re going to do it with thousands of dollars worth of “upscale” sex toys and bondage gear. Gentlemen, I’d be willing to bet that a man doesn’t give a damn what you paid for the toy you’re using on him, as long as it feels good and he’s enjoying himself.
We women in our Lucite heels who go on hour dates and buy our toys at “seedy head shops” have a great deal more experience with this stuff than you will EVER have and your $500 crystal-handled whip or $200 butt plug is not going to keep your man from straying, believe me. In my opinion these women would be better served if they got to know a few escorts and sought their advice on how to please a man. Either that or they should go back to “lunching with the ladies” at Core, shopping till they drop and comparing their newest $600 vibrators.