never build a case against yourself.
Guys, I, one day soon will start up a personal blog instead of bleeding on all of you here daily.
In the new show, Political Animals, she makes a statement that I have made my new course of action.
I will never get to the next great moment is I don't continue on. So that is what I do. I move forward.
That is the jest of it. I have to write down the exact words when next I hear it.
Here is a true story about me and what I have been believing about myself since I was very young. I joined track and field in Jr High School. They informed me that I was a long distance runner. i informed them that I was a sprinter.
#1, mistake: They were trained professionals and they knew better than I but I didn't want to warm up with a few miles before I did my minimal 25 mile marathons. Sprinting sounded better to me.
The first track meet I was scheduled to run in they signed me up for a 25 mile marathon. I promised them that if they would let me do a half mile sprint, I would prove to them that I was a sprinter.
They put me in the half mile and I even ended up in the inside lane at the starting line. The Gun went off. I began to sprint and when I crossed the first 440 they shot off the gun to let everyone know that someone had accomplished half the sprint. It was me. I looked back when I was at the second 110 and the next runner behind me was just crossing the 440 starting line.
When I crossed the second 220 they were screaming into the microphone that I was setting a world record for my age and so on. Just then as my mind comprehended what I was doing my thighs went hollow and I collapsed on the course and ended up walking the final 220 and of course was last.
My mantra was and has been that though I may come close and though I actually could succeed at whatever I set my mind to, I will not. I am a looser.
This is how my life has been lived for 54 years. But guess what? All that changes now. I have been developing a new life mantra and it is nothing like what I just shared with you.
One day I will look back and laugh a sorrowful chuckle as I succeed in whatever I set my mind to do.
I moved and got rid of almost all my 'friends' and established connections with those folks that in deed are my friends and are for me. I am getting sober both chemically and spiritually. I write everyday, which turns out to be a lot of reading and not as much writing as I would like but first things first.
The book I had been piecing together about my life as a submissive and a whore is on the back burner and I am half way through the first chapter of my first book for children!
I can not begin to express in such a way that you can understand how hard it can be to write this chapter/book in the first place. Every third sentence drove me to depression and self abasement.
However I KNOW I am a very good writer and I love to write and that has kept me going on. The chapter is delightful and original and about my super hero grandson and his mischievous little brother.
Every day I write and ponder the story and now am learning grammar and developing my skill faithfully and with great pleasure.
So when the book is ready, I am not sure if I can reveal it to you all here as I am not so sure that the public wants a whore to write childrens' story's successfully.
But after all the book is actually being written for and to my grandsons and in revenge against my angry daughter. She is so mad at me and wishes that I were anything other than what I am that she will not share anything about their lives even down to hey mom I'm pregnant. Or how about, "Mom, I had a son a month ago." OMG that hurt. She says she forgot to tell me that she was pregnant or that she gave birth.
I suppose she really thinks I am stupid. But she is mad at me for her childhood and rightfully so. I forgive her but I am determined to cause her children to adore me though she promises I will never meet them.
Life can be a real bitch.
talk to you later
in just a few more days my blog will be shut down so go there now and read from the first entry to the last before it goes away.
In fact you will be able to visit that site but it will just show you a few current photos and links where I can be found from now on.