Love & Distance
Sh is my friend from way back when, like from late 2002. We had a lot in common, a passion for technology. Slowly but surely, we grew into close friends, talking until dawn, keeping in touch as I flitted from one place to another.
We have our opposites -- I'm a conservative, he's liberal (made Election 2008 *fun*, lemme tell ya), I think Bill Gates is a rockin' dude, whereas he wishes Bill Gates had never made software practically (oh man, the Microsoft hate astounds me)
Lately, I've just gotten tired of being the option rather than the priority. I don't feel like he really cares about me, and is just humoring me until something, someone better comes along. That's how I feel.
I love my best friends. I wish I had a closer connection to Sh, wish he could truly absorb my care & concern for him and use it to continously work on being a better person, just as I use J's love for me in that way.
What really wrecked our friendship, I think, were two things -- my complete breakdown due to Horrible Scary Relationship, where I LEFT all of them high and dry, friend wise and then came back expecting fo rhtings to be the same.
Second, I think it's my business. We agreed to be business partners, but I feel like I'm pulling teeth for him to do anything for the company. The money is exciting -- I just quoted a chick $3K for a salesletter gig, and she's seriously considering me cos she digs my work. But behind that money is a LOT of hard work, a lot of frustration, a lot of time spent trying to refine my process continously. I'm not the uber goddess of marketing, but I know quite a bit about the topic.
So if you're a newbie (like he is), don't you think it would be wise to pay attention when I'm trying to teach something?
I've made thousands with just a pen and a piece of paper and a provocative idea. That's where my passion is. I'd love to help him work with me and we both become wealthy together, but at this point, I feel like his extracurricular is more important than his core base.
We look at finances differently, and sometimes I feel like he makes impulsive decisions. If you can make impulsive life decisions, you can make impulsive *business* decisions.
He's not expressive -- how are you going to become a marketer when you cannot respond to the one person fighting hard to teach you what you need to do?
I just sort of gave up last night. We got into an argument about a very minute issue that he felt the need to lecture me on -- I'm sorry, I'm not a child and I temporarily suspended my college studies. If I want a lecture, I'll join a college course again.
and deep down, I love him so much. I try to put it into words, but I know it would just creep him out. I love the way his eyes light up when he's truly at peace. I enjoy hearing, watching him laugh. I enjoy the way he "gets" subjects he's trying to learn, because I see how the spirit of victory thaws his heart out.
My dream is to travel the world with my two best friends, to take on everything life has to offer. But I feel like the best thing to do at this point is to sever ties. I hate that. I don't want to leave, not because I feel like I'll be alone, but because I want him to do his absolute best, and I don't see anyone else in his life encouraging him on the way I do.
Sh has been through some crazy rough nasty times of mine - even though my temper has gone down quite a bit, I'm still stuck being bipolar, and my episodes still take a lot of energy for all parties involved.
But at the same time, it's also a matter of heat, kitchens, and exits, if you know what I mean. I'm not for the timid, but for the bold that know opportunity when they see it.
And now that I'm done ranting, I'm gonna grab my whistle and go play in traffic (literally, I'm a traffic cop today in SW Houston lol)