put me in coach, I'm ready to play!!!!
sorry... I'm waking up at roughly 9am ish with no alarm clock and I'm RARING to go ...
I had a weird mishmash of sexual dreams... so as much as I would have liked to start my day at 9... I needed to take care of that! Lord have mercy on me...
I'm getting scarce lately because my Clark Kent shit is really starting to take off ... *giggles* okay, I only put on the cape for special occasions...
ugh ... rebuilding my "network" is really hard, I've moved too much. Austin is fun except for the traffic.
m is becoming a lot more open, and it's been AMAZING exploring this complex thing we call BDSM and life together. I like that he respects my Careerist zone well - if I'm on deadline, he will either come 'round another day - or he'll simply lay in my lap or at my feet. I tickle his belly often with my toes :)
we talked for hours one night about race, preferences, culture, everything ... one thing that he *despises* soooo badly is the whole "wow, i've never been with a black girl, you'd be my first"
it makes him kinda mad. "You're not an alien, you're a very beautiful female - it shouldn't matter the skin color."
so I asked him what drew him to me in the first place. "You /get/ why I'm a submissive ... and you put me in that zone like no other woman I've ever been with ... you can be powerful without consuming, and controlling without ever raising your voice. That's...nice."
I'm being careful - right now, my Careerist mind is focused on our fledgling company - and yes, that means JJ is back in full effect!
I'm a happy Queen... I really am... and a lot of my inner conflict was constantly running fromt hat lifestyle... being treated like the Queen I've been forever and ever is the way it goes down in 2009, no questions about that.
This family ... needs their Queen badly, and I am there for them, always.
I went through a really fucked up bratty stage... until I realized that the true nature of a Queen has to be rooted in service ... it's a giant service position... and I finally learned to ask for help...
JJ loves me to pieces... we apologized to each other for all the nasty things we've done... he came back in June and I tore him the fuck apart ... it's funny how words cut like swords...
He's coming home ... and he'll probably be staying here half the week, and at home with his father (recovering from some tendon issues / surgery!) - I want our business to work, and I miss my friend.
I tell JJ everything. More than this crowd will ever know, and it's not just because it's online... I just trust JJ. It's just that while he handles ME well... everything else is fucked up in his life, and I feel compelled to fix it.
m told me that he's not threatened by JJ in the slightest. "We all love you, we all serve you in our own little way, lady. What could be better than to see you happy?"
The clients are back... my family is back... how about I got letters from both Janet and Ben ... Janet says Jessie's coming around ... K is OK too ...
Hurricane Ike? what the fuck is /that/? :) A gal at work dropped me a bunch of cute shoes, a long animal print dress that is totally NSFW (but totally m-approved!) ...
OH! I'm learning how to fix my own hair up - I came to work with my hair down ... m saw me and just about died & went to heaven...
yes, we work together... and it's a big secret thing.. cos um,...ok, let's not open that door today.
my little group is expanding in a major way ... there's Mellicakes, this girl that's totally throwin' it at me - and I think we're tormenting each other on purpose because it's fun. :)
In professional circles, she's picking my brain... we went to a party last week and she plopped herself right in my lap! "Oh, I'm sorry... was this seat taken? No...don't mind me, just makin' myself comfortable..."
Starts wiggling around... holy shit. That's all I got :)
I'm learning to not be afraid of haivng more inner confidence than others, or to want more than other people. There's a lot of guilt there ... for many reasons.
I got an email the other day from a man I used to kick it with down here in Texas... he sent it to my government-name email addy (I wasn't smart enough at the time to not give a man my name! jesus)
He told me he had ran across some of my Clark Kent shit and he was impressed and proud at how much I had grown. Asked me if I still had my "addiction" (lol, it was a running joke that I 'just can't leave those innocent white men alone' and I used to shoot back 'Y'all are innocent? News to me!!!!') and I told him, "Gee, Paulie, do you think they make a rehab for that kind of thing?"
He responds, "If they did, lady ... it would be my first act of arson..." We howled together on that one!!!
Seriously. I like 'em older than me, and paler than me. science, math, business, technical / communication writing, finance... and ironically, I prefer that they're at least as domineering as me... if they wanna eventually submit to me that's fine but I can take equal for equal too :)
Listening to a recording of John Childer's "Million Dollar Speaker" training - I love that man. :) It was a gift from a marketing darling that wanted me to have it... and JC is HILARIOUS!!!!
Just keepin' business sexy... you know how that goes down...