Laughter On High // Dream Elsewhere // A Return to the Ribbon Game
It's almost 3am and I'm normally up, but there's a few things I just wanted to write for a moment. Ironically, even though I'm not an active escort anymore, I still find this 'home' more than anywhere else online.
I'm finding that life is finally moving the way I want it to go - between my business and my other ventures (like the quiet training of m to my way of thinking - mmm, I'll talk about that inna bit), I'm a busy girl.
Not quite all Clark Kent, not all quite Superman. Not even Belle du Jour, really - I wouldn't say my identity is secret at all -- my inner circle is aware that I am more than one person, and more than the sum of my 'pieces'.
I got a chance to talk to JT - no no, he doesn't own a stockroom (I wish! Have you SEEN their BDSM gear? *melties*), but he always seems to give me clarity when I need it.
"You have an agenda," he reminds me. "My work here is to see that you fulfill it."
He's right. I've always been intrigued by building massive structures -- my Marlena, rest her soul, explained to me the importance of such things.
"You are a woman of nations! Act like it and keep building!"
I still hang on those words. Pressure? I just celebrated my 22nd birthday. This is not a sprint, but a lengthy marathon. It's like a savings account - I started early, so I'll be reaping massive rewards when the time is right.
Laughter on high tonight -- with JT saying what I needed to hear, even the pieces I didn't want to hear out loud. He makes me feel OK with the things I need to do next.
"You cannot take S with you, hell, you may not even be able to take me with you. But if we love you as we say we do, we'll understand."
His loyalty moves me to tears sometimes - always loyal, always dedicated and focused and charming. If only I was aroused by water instead of fire.
I'm a dreamer with an action taker's mentality -- my dreams light up my fire to keep moving, to keep going.
I was on a teleseminar earlier while reading m's erotic musings. To say we're 'together' is ...an interesting word for it.
He wants someone to claim him, but he's afraid of that person being me at the same time. We click - when we're together the sex is powerful and the emotions run high.
Dream elsewhere. Dream elsewhere of his lips on my neck while my hands are digging into his back. Dream elsewhere of his cute little moans as my heels find their way up his legs, dragging and scratching ever so gently.
"I think you're going to consume me, you know."
He's probably right - that's what I do. I created Zora long before I became an escort with the same name, because the BDSM monster ate me a long time ago. I dreamed of a world of my creation, and I realized that the business lessons I learned elsewhere would allow me to create such a world.
I drifted away from that purpose...thinking...that giving up the lifestyle I loved most...was worth being loved. Moving on from that, I realize that I am loved in all forms by the people who matter.
So we shifted back into the ribbon game, floating between our shared Clark Kent existence (I met him from work, so he's aware of both sides of this coin) and our own special world.
"Your empire will never have me as a capstone, lady. But please, as you build - put my pyramid block on the base."
I curled my lips into a grin as I ruffled his hair. "Oh? Are you implying that you are so important to me that you would be worthy to be on the base, the foundation of such a venture?"
I kissed his cheek sweetly. "As much as I fear admitting it out loud, I do think you're right."
He blinked and I laughed, rubbing his shoulders gently. "I shouldn't toy with you like this."
"I can't think of any other way for you to treat me."
I shifted, stretching. "Be careful - I play to win. Maybe that makes me worse than the women you've moved on from."
He blushed. "Yes, I know ...you're ambitious, power-happy and you can even be cold. I accept those things. I do not want to break the spell you have over me."
I nodded. "I don't wanna hurt ya, yer good to me."
"I'll be okay. I just need you here."
Where would my life be if I could accept? If I could settle instead of constantly looking at the stars and wanting to be in another galaxy far away? If I could settle, could deal, could accept 'comfort' over 'incalculable opportunities'?
The things that people adore in me - my zeal and my drive - are the very things that will never allow me to stop.
As I watched m pull away in that lovely truck of his (oh my, how many times have I played out little scenes in that large cab?), I realized that maybe, just maybe, I'll never really have to.
The ribbon game - this entire play by play of power, influence, control, leverage ...isn't something I necessarily have to win - but it is something I have to play. Maybe one day I'll get to a point where I can stop.
But oh, the way they twist themselves into the game is so arousing, darlings, you just don't *know*. :)
Or maybe it is me twisting...maybe it is me being played. It's hot either way - I've always thought that dominants are just as manipulated in BDSM as the submissives they toy with. The sub understands that our drive for control is our crutch, one we seek out over and over. I firmly believe that - can one really exist without the other?
It's 3:04am now. Time to finish up my project in the Clark Kent world and get ready for one screamingly bitchin' day. Let's get it!